We’ve all been there.
You finally feel like you really want to do it. And wham! Something else comes up. It’s hard to decide whether or not you really want to stick to your guns. Things don’t turn out the way you want. You start playing games inside that little head of yours.
You’re afraid that someone might point a finger at you – laugh at your actions – talk behind your back or maybe in your face.
Perhaps you think you look like a fool. You’re shitty scared. You feel like you’re putting on a show. The story goes on and on and on.
So what’s the point? You ask. The point is we need to realize this is a good thing.
A good thing??? Hell yeah, a damn crucial situation life can ever offer to anyone.
Things come and go – it’s we who need to make the best lessons out of everything we encounter.
Tough times do make us strong.
And that’s what I’ve learnt from Vipassana. You got it right! Vipassana.
They say I’ve changed. I indeed have. But, I’ve not transformed yet. I’m sure it’s a long way to go.
It was on May 1, 2013, I took my first ten-day Vipassana course. Until then, I had no idea what this whole meditation thing was. Nor did I have any idea about the man that would totally change my world.
So what actually did happen? Well, I don’t know!
There are some things in life you just don’t know. Accept it! Seriously, I don’t know cause I don’t know. And I don’t want to waste your time and mine explaining things that I don’t even know.
All I somehow know is – I got to learn a few simple things about life. And a reason to change.
I’m not any better than anyone else – I don’t even want to be that. I’m just a little more disciplined and a little more motivated than I was.
I had never fallen in love – I don’t think I still have. The only thing I know is I love myself – more than anyone or anything else that exists – ever.
Things that didn’t even matter, people I didn’t even know and logic that wasn’t even mine. Drove me crazy I didn’t even know why.
Man! What an insane life I had been living.
So the truth is. I don’t give a shit now! Let the earth spin around the sun. Let your mom scold you for not waking up early in the morning or for reasons whatsoever! Why should I even think about it?
That’s how I changed. All for good – and all for myself.
But just because I don’t care about your shitty stupid life doesn’t mean I don’t value what you have.
We’re all the same.
We’ve sprang up from the same base. And much as I value my existence, I value yours.
I don’t have any superpowers, that’s too bad for me. But trust me – if I had one, I would definitely use it for the good of all of us.
Okay, enough now! Let’s get back to the real world.
Just as much of jealousy, hatred and anger – I have a heart of love and compassion too.
I know I was utterly ignorant in the past (which I guess I still am a little bit). But my ignorance level today has gone considerably down.
Thanks to Vipassana and this amazingly amazing man, I am where I am today.
So this meditation and mindfulness and whatever people usually preach in words – I don’t have substantial answers to them. But I’d like to share a little bit of my experience coming back from a ten-day Vipassana course.
People don’t believe except for the ones that actually saw me.
I cried like a newly born baby. I had to control myself – like literally! Tears were simply not stopping as I got back home from the meditation center. On the tenth day, also known as the Metta Day I got exploded into something I had never imagined in my entire life.
That’s how overwhelmed with bliss I was.
Still today, I just can’t contain myself whenever I happen to see his image. I’m filled with adoration and deep gratitude toward life. I can’t imagine my life without him. And I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for him. I will never be able to thank him more for whatever he has done for me and for the world.
He is my dearest guru Shree Satya Narayan Goenka.